I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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