Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
