Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
