she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
