She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
