Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
