Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
