Having a random hookup so left but love u
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
