Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
