remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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