I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
In America we eat man semen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
