@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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