There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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