My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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