If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
