I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
