dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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