Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
