i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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