you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
