She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
