so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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