his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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