my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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