this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
