'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
