yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
