Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
