I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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