I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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