Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You took a bar mat shot.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
