Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
