I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
