Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
