she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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