Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
