It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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