Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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