If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
