Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
