apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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