cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
