Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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