people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
