if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
