its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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