she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Acid is not a monday night drug
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
