every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
