Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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