Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
