why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
