he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
