And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
