3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
only you would photoshop your dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
